Looking for Love
My hunger for love
has started to fill the air
I can now hold sunlight with my teeth
my arms can hold millions of bytes and gigabytes
It makes no difference that the tubes of New York
are clogged with water or that Mumbai is
drowning in the rains
so long as the surfing freeways are clear.
My brain will take anything you give me
anything to take the place of love
Even cyber skin.
The pact between my Maker and me is broken
Broken is my illusion of forever
Painfully I have watched you go
Slowly I have heard life quieten
The heart that leads me away from myself is my own
How much peace can I purchase from a traitor?
I hope an old friend comes to me
So that I can ask her
Why has the universe brought me to its brink tonight
I am beginning to understand dervishes
How they pass their tremors to onlookers
I am beginning to understand people who are clad
In a singular meaning of life
I am betrayed by my incarnation
It gives away all it has
Love is the supreme source of help
But I am betrayed by love
The resolves of sleep are sweet
Let the morning mean something.
My future lovers mean nothing to me
This anguish has wiped me out
Scattered me into the invisible winds
I am not food for even the birds
My scars run deep between faith and God
Right now, I don’t even know how to love myself
I opiate between me and my distances
If you can, do only this for me;
Absolve me of being born a woman
Else leave me alone on some untrodden path
With my missing heartbeats.
Something, something must be left behind
We must have left a trace at least
of our bond
warm it was
Like the skin between entwined fingers
Like the sun shining out of eyes
We’d spun endless strings
to keep us entwined forever
If only we hadn’t let go of the beginning
If not the skeins, the knots must be somewhere
Lying hidden on the jungles of floors, like traps
to trip new lovers.
I remember your every breath
lining the quad of my world,
Now those breaths are leasing life to a daisy, magnolia or lily, I’m sure
How can meanings disappear
from destiny’s designs
even if we foolishly flout every sign
What once was can never be again
But nothingness throbs with a life of its own
It sculpts a new you
When all is gone the nothingness must remain
If only to prove that what was real once
is debris and rubble now.
© 2013 Vinita Agrawal. All 4 poems first published by RaedLeafPoetry-India 2013.
Vinita Agrawal is a Mumbai based writer and poet. Her poems have been published in Asian Cha, Kritya.org, Mahmag World Literature, The Brown Critique, Poetry 24, Mandala and various other online and print magazines.
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